Contributed by Georgina (Sydney ESL Team)
Having a conversation in any language can be tricky. People speak quickly, you need to listen and understand what is being said and respond in the right way. Conversations are more than just knowing the right words; it’s also knowing how to handle the conversation. Western style conversations are an exchange. You say something and then the other person says something. It’s a back and forth exchange. But not all conversations go the same way. Different cultures have different patterns of conversations.
Have you ever seen Europeans having a lively conversation? There’s no exchange here! Everyone is talking at once, shouting, even yelling at each other, waving their hands wildly in the air. Are they arguing? Will it get ugly? Probably not. European - style conversations can be an intense exchange; everyone speaks at once and you need to be loud to be heard.
What about other cultures?
Nancy Masterson Sakamoto wrote a fascinating article called “Conversational Ballgames” about her experiences learning Japanese while she was living in Japan. She noticed that conversations in Japanese have a different pattern to conversations in English. English is like playing tennis. Japanese conversations are like bowling. You can’t play tennis when you’re speaking Japanese and you can’t bowl when speaking English. Her problem was that even though she was speaking Japanese she was handling the conversation in the Western way. She was playing conversational tennis in a country which played conversational bowling.
I often use this article with clients to highlight the importance of not just learning a language but also understanding the dynamics of conversation. How the exchange between people happens. Learning the vocabulary and grammar is important, but it’s also important to understand how to engage with the language so that you are understood and you understand.
According to Sakamoto, Western style conversation between two people is like playing tennis. If I take the ball (the topic) and hit it towards you, I expect you to meet the ball, wherever it lands, and hit it back to me. I expect you to agree or disagree with me or add something to the topic. And we go back and forth like a game of tennis, each hitting the conversational ball to each other. If we are in a group, it’s like tennis doubles. Whoever gets to the ball first hits it back. There are no rules about taking turns to answer. The person closest to the ball takes the shot.
Japanese style conversations, however, are not like tennis at all. They are more like bowling. You know your place in the line and you wait for your turn to take the ball. You wait patiently for your elders or superiors to take the bowling ball first and you wait for them to bowl then you pause and wait while everyone registers what’s been said. There is a respectful pause before the next in line moves up to bowl. You don’t speak until it’s your turn. The conversation is organised, respectful and patient. Very different to a game of tennis.
Whenever we engage in conversation it’s important to remember that we need to have the vocabulary and the grammar, but we also need to play by the rules of the game. The more we play, the better conversational sportspeople we become!
Click here to download the Nancy Masterton Sakamoto article.
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